At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
