His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I didn't notice because vodka
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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