He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
