i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
