I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
