Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
