Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
