We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
