Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
