i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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