Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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