I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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