Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
