I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
