we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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