I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
