i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
