i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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