:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
