I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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