the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
