i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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