Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
