i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
