They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
