a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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