wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
