Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
