Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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