My liver just broke up with me...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
