Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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