watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
