sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
