Pants 0. Shit 1.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
