dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ttyl tear gas
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
