I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
