He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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