it hurts more in the daytime
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
