I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
