I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
