Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize