Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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