You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
