so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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