There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
