Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i believe in u and ur pee
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