one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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