i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
