I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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