so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's shark week go big or go home
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
