She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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