I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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