...so i touched it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
