He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
