Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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