I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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