He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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