Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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