Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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