oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
