I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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