Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize