I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
