3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate your face
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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