weddingsv make me drug and hornr
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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