Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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