He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
