Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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