I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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