She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The best revenge is premature balding
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Panties = found
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
