Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
