The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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