She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
