she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
