??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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