dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
