If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my poor anus
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
