Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
