if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
