Will you blow on my dice?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
