I'm gonna have a badass scar
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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