puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
