so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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