no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
