i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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