Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
