how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
