a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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