i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
