final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
