i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
