Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
