Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
