new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
