dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize