I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
