I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
