Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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