Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had sex on a roof
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
