I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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