Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
