it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize