Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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