you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
