you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to calm my uterus...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
