And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
