Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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