Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize