i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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