apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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