Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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