Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
