saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
