I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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