dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
