i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
