i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
