i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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