As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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