I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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