I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
