found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
